Vaccine
by Luciana Costa
Summary: SubaSeka fic. Implied Joshua/Neku. Semi-AU, school setting. In which a routine vaccination snowballs into a rather sticky situation.


Author's Note:

Author's Note:  
I don't take responsibility for any brain damage you may suffer reading this fic.  
Also, I have no idea if a vaccine will actually do that.  
I don't know anything about vaccines in Japan.  
This is written purely for humor.  
Warnings: Adult themes. Hehe...

Vaccine  
Neku sighed heavily. Health was, without fail, his most boring class. Language arts, he could deal with. Social studies? Easy. Even math was interesting; though Neku would never admit it, Minamimoto had effectively drilled several important elements of mathematics into his head, permanently.  
Of course, it may have helped that Shiki shared most of those classes with Neku, and she was always fun to talk to. Health class was shared with Joshua, whom, though he had his charms, wasn't always the best person to have a chat with.  
Neku watched Joshua out of the corner of his eye. The smaller boy was paying attention, or appearing to. Ugh... what was the teacher even blabbing on about, anyway? Neku tuned his brain out of dreamland and back into his teacher's monotonous voice.  
"...though your parents might have informed you already, a law went into effect recently, stating that all adolescents are required to be vaccinated for HPV. We've touched base with all of your parents, and you're all to recieve your first dose today. If you'd all please get into line..."  
Neku rolled his eyes. Vaccinations were no big deal. Compared to getting a bullet through your head (twice), needles were a breeze. He shuffled into the line, leaning against the wall apathetically.  
"Neku!"  
The boy in question turned his head. "Um... what is it, Joshua?"  
"We've got a bit of a problem, I believe," Joshua hissed into Neku's ear, sidling up alongside him.  
"What, afraid of a little needle? I thought you wouldn't mind, prick that you are."  
Joshua wasn't smiling. "Very funny, Neku. Ugh... haven't you been paying attention to _any_ of our Health lessons?"  
"What do you think?"  
Joshua sighed and shook his head sadly. "Neku, Neku, Neku. When will you ever learn? So you have no idea what this vaccination even is, am I right?"  
"Nope."  
"It's a relatively new invention," Joshua explained, flicking his hair nervously. "First let me explain a little about HPV. HPV is a virus known to cause cervical cancer."  
Neku snickered quietly. Joshua glared, annoyed, but continued.  
"However, recently it's been suspected of causing rectal cancer."  
Neku stared blankly. He really didn't see where Joshua was going with this whole virus talk.  
"This is going in one phone and out the other, isn't it? It's an STD, Neku!" Joshua said, exasperated. "Which means this vaccine is meant for _virgins!_"  
"So? Even if it's not effective, it's just a vaccine."  
Joshua crossed his arms impatiently. "No, Neku, it's not just a vaccine, not if you have

HPV. You know how vaccines work, right?"  
"I'm not stupid, Joshua. There's a bit of the virus in the vaccine so your body learns to fight it off."  
"Roughly, yes. Very good, Neku, I'm so proud. But anyway, don't you get it? If someone _already has the virus_, and then gets a vaccine, the small amount would be enough to aggravate the existing virus, and would cause severe symptoms."  
"Joshua, are you sure you're not high or something? As far as I know, neither of us has HPV."  
"Mother did."  
"Oh. Oh _shit_."  
"Yes, Neku."  
"So that means there's a good chance you-"  
"Yes, Neku."  
"And so there's also a good chance that I-"  
"Yes, Neku."  
"You bastard!" Neku shouted, grabbing Joshua by the collar. "Why the hell didn't you tell me about this before?!"  
"Next two students!" the nurse called briskly.  
Neku released Joshua grudgingly. "Think we're going to be able to talk our way out of this?"  
"Not likely," Joshua said, following the nurse. "Come along, Neku."  
A short while later, the two boys walked out of the nurse's office, rubbing their arms.  
"Well that wasn't so bad, was it?" Joshua asked, grinning unconvincingly.  
Neku only grimaced.  
They spent the next week sick in bed, with painful warts in some very uncomfortable places.


End file.
